1. Idiots assume you're "slutty". Whatever that word even means. Does this sexy Snow White costume mean I like to have sex? No. The fact that I'm a non-asexual human being with body parts means I like to have sex.
2. It's freezing but a coat would ruin the look. So you try to think of a costume that could involve a coat like Little Red Riding Hood for example. Hopefully the cape isn't made of paper and like three feet long.
3. Other girls will probably have the same costume as you and it'll be weird. "Ugh there are like eight sexy Little Bo Peeps here! I knew I should've gone as Sexy Mother Goose."
4. Trying to find one that shows off what you wanna show off, and not what you don't. "Damn it why do all of these costumes require perfectly defined ab muscles?"
5. You spend the whole night terrified you'll spill something on your costume. Few things are less sexy than a Sexy Cinderella with bean dip on her left tit.
6. You have to wear uncomfortable shoes because comfy ones doesn't go with your outfit. Even though you know you'll be stumbling around drunk all night, you HAVE to wear heels, because your Legs Avenue costume would look like shit with sensible Toms.
7. One of your boobs keeps popping out when you specifically asked it not to. Bobbing for apples takes on an unfortunate new meaning.
8. The one-size-fits-most thing is seriously a mystery. So most women have huge boobs, tiny waists and little butts? Well I'd love to meet them 'cause I can barely fit half my left one in this top.
9. Even though you're cold, you're somehow also sweaty. Because you're basically wearing a plastic sheet.
10. When people don't even get what you're costume is. "Uh...I'm a mouse, duh."
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Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
