1. Sex where you leave and go home right after because you like your bed more than this guy. The sex was fine and everything, but you have a pillow top mattress and he has ... whatever this is.
2. Sex that is so good you feel angry that all past sexual experiences weren't that good. How did I not know orgasms like this were possible? Cursed exes!
3. Period sex. Because you've finally realized no one cares about your period and it doesn't matter.
4. Dictatorship sex. After years of being timid and shy about communicating what feels good and what doesn't, you tell him exactly what you want and accept no substitutes. And it feels awesome.
5. "How are you this old and still so bad at this?" sex. When "well, maybe he doesn't know any better" starts getting ridiculous because he is 29, come on.
6. Sex in a comfortable bed. This is so amazing and it will actually almost make up for every time you had sex on an air mattress years earlier.
7. Sex on incredibly nice sheets. Did you ever notice anyone's sheets in your early 20s? No? That's probably because they didn't feel like heaven and these do.
8. Sex where the guy won't come until he makes sure you do. This is, in many ways, the only appropriate kind of sex and now that you're older, you totally get that.
9. Sex with someone you actually love. Not some guy you have a crush on, not some dude you met at a bar, but a guy you've been in love with for years now and have slept with so many times you guys are pros. That kind of sex is unparalleled.
10. Sex that's so good you might actually marry this person. Whoa. I can actually imagine having sex with you and just you for the rest of my life. That's new.
11. Sex with toys you laughed at in your early 20s. Haha, remember when we'd look at these vibrators and dildos and think they're hilarious? Yeah, let's use all these tonight because they're amazing.
12. Sex that turns into a nap. It's not just him falling asleep, it's not you guys going again, it's just both of you being like, "Cool, sex!" and falling asleep happily.
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Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
