Sexy ways to get down with your bad self. Illustrations by Jenny Yuen.
The Under-where?
You've had a long hard day, so why not lie down and put your hands straight down your underwear because you're too lazy to take them off. Purse still over your shoulder, heels flying off because you need it now.
The Fumbling Stranger
You feel like trying something new tonight so try using your opposite hand to masturbate. It'll feel weird, almost like you're fooling around with someone for the first time, and that's what makes it so completely hot.
Dildo Date Night
When all that "just a little bit" or "almost all of it" crap is just not cutting it, use that whole damn dildo.
The Shower Head
The shower's hot but this is hotter. Lean against the shower wall and put your removable showerhead between your legs, letting the water hit you with its best shot. Fire away.
The Long Way Around
Missionary gets boring even with solo sex, so lie facedown on a pillow, take your hand and put it behind you, coming between your legs. Use the pillow to muffle your moans.
The Invisible Man
You can be alone and still come out on top. Put a pillow or something soft between your legs to elevate your pelvis like you're riding an actual person off into the sunset, if the sunset were full of orgasms.
The Sleep-Away Camp
Lying on your bed, put your hand between your legs and masturbate over your underwear like you're making out with a guy at summer camp and he's too afraid to actually touch you there. Talk about a wet, hot American summer.
The One-Person Threeway
With one hand on the clitoris and one hand on the nipples, you'll almost forget you don't actually have two hot Swedish dudes attending to your every need. Because in your mind, you so do.
The 15-Minute Break
When you're away from home and get a sexy text and you just have to hit the bathroom for some alone time. Sit down, pants at your ankles, and pray no one else walks in.
The Horny Mermaid
Get in the bathtub so you're totally submerged, and slide your back right under the faucet with your legs up in the air right above the faucet. Let the water flow all over you, positioning your clit so the water is hitting it right where it needs to. Trust me, you wanna be part of this world.
The Black Swan
Lie facedown on the bed with hand under your side. Whether or not you wanna imagine your taboo crush while you go to town is up to you.
Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
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