1. Finding a Job Online
Meh. It's far from the dream job but it's full-time, pays real money, and means my mom will stop bothering me about watching House of Cards on Netflix all day. 

2. Editing the Résumé
I've held a lot of jobs, but which ones should make the cut? Is my babysitting experience from 2004 going to be any use on a marketing grand scheme? It does show I'm super-responsible (and that I have an A-plus knowledge of Disney films, if that's any use). 

3. The Realization That You're Worthless
Oh my god. I have done nothing with my life. I don't know any of these fancy computer programs "the ideal candidate should be fluent in" and my only "experience managing a team" was organizing a bachelorette party. They're going to think I'm a total joke. They're going to use this résumé to prop up their too-short table leg. 

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4. Writing the Cover Letter
Always a hard one to judge. Do you go down the "fun" route and throw in some witty jokes for good measure with your incredibly embellished experience, hoping they'll be won over by your good humor and shining competence? Or do you churn out the facts of your professional life like a Jeopardy contestant? There's no way of knowing. Pot luck it is. 

5. The Realization That You're Actually Amazing
Wow, they should offer cover letter writing as some form of therapy! Nothing like exaggerating every minor accomplishment or tiny sense of responsibility in your career to make you sound like the most employable employee in Jobsville. I rock.

6. The Last-Minute Grammar Freakout
"Yours faithfully" or "yours sincerely"? Or a totally cool and witty wildcard option that'll make them either remember me or think I'm an idiot? "Decision-making" is definitely not on my résumé. 

7. The Waiting Game
Have days always been this long? Twenty-four hours of constantly refreshing your email suddenly feels approximately a lifetime longer than usual. Plus, the obligatory checking of the sent folder and forwarding your emails on to your mom just to double-check your application definitely went through... 

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8. Getting an Interview
They like me! Oh god, I never realized how much I wanted this job until this very moment, when they decide to show the slightest hint of interest. I'm not sure if it's just the ego boost or an actual interest in the job, but I'm going to make it my life's mission to nail this interview. 

9. The Interview Prep

Who invented the "weaknesses" question anyway? As if I'm going to tell my potential employers that I'm horrible with money, emotionally insecure, historically untidy, and 100 percent prone to hangovers. Just go with the usual cop-out — "I sometimes care about work too much" — and be done with it.

10. The Interview Outfit Saga
Does red lipstick with my chic tailored suit scream sophisticated or failed '90s girl band member? Is there an app for dilemmas like this? 

11. The Actual Interview
Ugh. They asked me something I don't know the answer to and now I'm using words I didn't even know I knew to sound smart. The words just keep coming. Are they bored? They definitely look bored. I see definite eye-glazing. Oh god, I'm boring myself. Just stop talking. Ahhhhh. 

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12. The Waiting Game. Again.
No, really, there's no rush. You just take 12 years to get back to me and I'll sit here replaying the torturous 45-minute interview in my head, scrutinizing my every word and overly clammy handshake. It's fine, really.

13. The Rejection Email
*Skim reads.* "We are sorry to inform…" Not even reading the rest. Thanks for nothing, guys. I didn't even want the job, anyway. 

14. Finding Another Job Online
Time to get back on the saddle. I'll get cracking on my application right after this House of Cards season finale. Things could be a lot worse, I guess. I could be that dude dealing with ruthless politics and constant scheming in Washington. Things definitely aren't that bad. 

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From: Cosmopolitan UK