1. Wondering if you look stylish or like a small child. The answer, most of the time, is "both."
2. Hoping you never have to pee for the rest of the day. If you see me wearing a romper, know that I am dehydrated because I cannot handle navigating trying to go to the bathroom while wearing one. Or I get lazy and I try...
3. Figuring out ways to pee without having to take it off. Usually I just pull the romper to one side but you can't do that without peeing on yourself and then that's a whole other thing.
4. When you finally pull it down, you're naked on the toilet while your romper sits in a pile on the bathroom floor. And there is shame. Such shame.
5. If you're on a date and you take forever in the bathroom, they're going to assume you were having poop issues, not romper issues. Which is the case, I swear!!!! (OK, sometimes it's both.)
6. If a guy wants to take off your shirt, he actually ends up lifting your shorts. Guys will never be more confused than when they're trying to take off your clothes while you're wearing a romper. They truly do not understand how they work and I think on some level, it even scares them.
7. Thinking you can easily bend over while wearing it because it surely won't expose your whole butt but nope. It will. Just in a totally different but equally weird way than a skirt does.
8. Wedgies are somehow even worse than they are with regular shorts. Because you can't adjust the shorts part so when you pull down the shorts, you also pull down the top, giving you Droopy Boob Syndrome, which is nearly fatal.
9. When it gets too hot outside and you have to wear it without tights, thereby running a severe risk of your butt escaping.
10. If your butt is on the bigger side, it will escape no matter what. It's like a convict who can't stay in prison long before he breaks out again. It will not be caged.
11. Somehow the bigger sizes don't get any longer, they just get wider, so if you have a long torso, you're fucked.
12. If you're bigger on top or on the bottom, haha, good luck. They're basically made for people who are straight up and down, or curvy on the top and the bottom. If you're only one or the other, you will probably just sit in the dressing room crying.
13. Not knowing if they're formal or informal. Because some people wear them with heels and pearls, and then other people look like 5-year-olds at a hot dog eating contest and it's just so hard to know.
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Lane Moore is an award-winning comedian, actor, writer, and musician. She is the creator of the hit comedy show Tinder Live and author of the critically acclaimed book How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don't. Moore is the front person and songwriter in the band It Was Romance, which has been praised everywhere from Pitchfork to Vogue. She has written for The Onion, The New Yorker, and was previously the Sex and Relationships editor at Cosmopolitan.
