I have to say, this is the most excellent dating advice ever. Make sure she's nice, be nice to her, and always go to the bathroom first (healthy BMs are important!). Follow these simple rules and be in love forever. End of (a very good!) story.

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Laura Beck
Laura Beck is a Los Angeles-based TV writer and frequent contributor to Cosmopolitan.com — her work has appeared in the New York Times, New Yorker, Jezebel, and the Village Voice.