1. Simba ghosted Nala. Dude serenades her with the admittedly seductive jams of "I Just Can't Wait to Be King" (seriously, this dude won't let Zazu harsh his vibes and the song ends with the entire African savannah turnt) and then he just disappears. He winds up bro'ing out hard in the deep jungle just hanging out all day and goofing off. It's the equivalent of breaking up with someone right before college so you can have the full college experience (i.e. transform from pre-pubescent JTT to adult Matthew Broderick).
2. Aladdin did the Agrabah equivalent of lying on your OkCupid profile. So this guy manages to screw up his whole first wish and just asks to be a prince but doesn't think to ask for any of the land titles and royal blood that would make him a real prince and not a fraud (and those of you who want to start with the whole "Well, according to the direct-to-VHS sequel Aladdin and the King of Thieves, since his dad was already the King of Thieves that means Aladdin was already a prince," come at me), but at the end of the day, he's still lying when he shows up at the end of Princess Jasmine's royal speed dating session. For some reason, Jasmine is totally cool when she finds out he's actually homeless, even though it's tantamount to Photoshopping abs onto your dating profile picture.
3. Prince Henry gives off pretty obsessive vibes. When Henry is like, "Yo, we gotta find the chick who was all up in this glass slipper," he teeters dangerously on the precipice of "adorable act of love/creepy stalker maneuver." As far as he knows, she ran away from him for a reason. Dude, you should really understand to let things go after some woman you just met decides to book it the hell out of there. Also, possible foot fetishist?
4. Prince Eric is so self-absorbed he can't even recognize the woman who saved his life. This guy is literally saved from drowning by some hot mermaid, and then when she shows up and is physically handicapped, he bounces and goes right for the brunette who actually has a voice. It's not sea-witch hypnotism, it's being a douche.
5. Beast played up his anger issues for attention. We get it, man. You're cursed and can never be loved by anyone. Why don't you tear up some curtains? Real emo, dude. Your parents are going to be pissed when they come home and see that. Just man up and stop trying to act like you're all deep and melancholy just for attention.
6. John Smith ushered in the genocide of an entire people. Ok, this is debatable and more historically accurate than it was in the movie, but pretty much every American colonist was awful at least once.
7. Flynn Ryder is literally a criminal. There's bad boy, and then there's "You're gonna wind up on welfare living in a ramshackle shanty town because this guy is constantly breaking the law and has no job." What if the whole princess thing falls through, Rapunzel?
8. Li Shang is sexist. No woman will join the army on his watch!
9. Kristoff is an ice harvester. That's not a real job. I can harvest ice by going to my sink and harvesting water into an ice tray and then freezing that and harvesting it from my fridge. "Ice salesman" is the bottled water of the Disney universe. That dude is going to lose all of his money to a Ponzi scheme or something.
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