1. Add a tiara, crown, sash, and bouquet of flowers, and go as a beauty queen.
2. Turn No. 1 into a group costume by having all your girlfriends wear their bridesmaids dresses too, but without the crown and other accessories. Now you're a beauty queen surrounded by your runners-up.
They'll love that!
3. Add a Solo cup to No. 1 and go as the current Miss America, Kira Kazantsev.
4. Get a massive blowout and go as Bridal Party Barbie.
Compete the look with a pair of nude, opaque tights for Barbie-appropriate anatomical incorrectness.
5. Get super drunk and go as that bridesmaid.
You know what I'm talking about.
6. Hang a "sorry" sign around your neck and go as a formal apology.
7. If your dress is pink, add a wand and some wings, and go as Glinda the Good Witch.
8. Take No. 7, add some gory makeup, smear yourself with dirt and fake blood, and go as Glinda the Good Witch Zombie.
"There's no place like brains!"
9. Carry a toy gun and you'll be "dressed to kill."
Punny!
10. Cover yourself in pig's blood and go as Carrie.
The original 1976 Sissy Spacek Carrie, that is.
11. Carry a police badge and strap a gun to your thigh, and go as an undercover cop.
You know, like in Miss Congeniality.
12. Do No. 11, but draw track marks on your arm and go as an undercover narcotics officer who's in way too deep.
Like in the unrated director's cut of Miss Congeniality, which was deemed "too dark" for American audiences and only released overseas. (Not really, but how awesome would that movie be?)
13. Put your hair into a top-knot and go as The Knot.
You know, like the magazine. Hahahahahahaha!
14. Shave your head and a scream a lot, and just go as some crazy lady.
15. Stick some toilet paper to the bottom of your shoe and go as that bridesmaid with toilet paper on the bottom of her shoe.
"Oh my god. Why didn't anyone tell me? This is so embarrassing!"
16. Add a scepter, crown, and cape covered in stuffed animals, and you'll be reigning cats and dogs.
Oh, New Girl! You slay me!
17. Layer your dress over a graphic T-shirt, then add a neon tutu, high-top sneakers, some candy necklaces, and a baseball cap, and go as a model in one of those "edgy" and "editorial" teen magazine prom shoots.
18. Add a ridiculous fascinator and an English accent, and go as a British bridesmaid.
19. Strap a pillow to your stomach, underneath your dress, and go as the future if sex education and women's reproductive rights continue to be eroded in this country.
That's right, people. This listicle just got political. The midterm elections are November 4. Don't forget to vote. Happy Halloween!
Follow Charles on Twitter and Instagram.
