1. I'm definitely pregnant OMG I'm pregnant OMG I'm pregnant.
2. I am sitting here waiting the required 20 minutes for the gyno to have my test results but I am 99 percent sure I have HIV.
3. How do I get home from this guy's house and why is it so bright out?
4. Oh Lord I hope he does not get whiskey dick.
5. I guess I'm having third-date sex later. I better get a wax.
6. I'm never getting a wax again.
Men should like women with grown-ass pubic hair.7. Casual sex is fun!
8. Casual sex is not fun.
9. Is it really worth it to get this expensive lingerie?
10. My boobs will never look better than they do now.
11. Oh wait, this picture of Helen Mirren disproves everything I thought about aging.
12. I need to upgrade my bed from twin to full for the sole purpose of better Doing It.
13. Am I sleeping with a dickhead?
14. Do I care that the guy I'm sleeping with is a dickhead?
15. I have to have a lot of sex with hot guys now so that I can settle down in my thirties and not feel like I missed anything!
16. So... where are all the hot guys I have to have sex with?
15. Nice guys are bad at sex.
16. I can't believe I ever thought nice guys were bad at sex, as a rule.
17. I don't have enough sex.
18. I have way too much sex.
19. Semen has a very strange consistency.
20. I want to have sex in an ~**~exotic~*~** place!
21. I'm pretty sure I got hepatitis from that exotic place where I had sex.
22. Is it okay to get an off-brand pregnancy test?
23. Damn, Plan B is expensive.
24. I can't, I have my period.
25. Why is it taking me so long to come? I come in two seconds from masturbating.
26. I need nicer sheets. Nay, I deserve nicer sheets.
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Photo Credit: MTV
